Hollow Hearts

strange...
why is it that i could laugh when i see or hear some thing funny, but i couldn't feel anything fun.
it feels like i could only sense the funny part on my mind, not on my heart.

but yesterday, reading that story...
it hurts me deeply. well i didn't get to cry, but it feels like my heart was being stab.

have i lost the ability, the right to be happy?
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that story drove me restless last night. i just can't stop thinking on what i've done n what i wanted.
it's like reminding me, on how much i've let her down. and how i realized that i really do loved her, just when she's gone. not that i don't loved her before. it just that at that time i'm not sure whether it's "love" or is it only "care".
that finally encourage me to send an e-mail to her, telling what i feel.

what the hell had got in to me really?
i know, i shouldn't have sent it.
it would only confused her. hurt her even more.
but i just ...
i do need her answer so that i could move on.
even though i'm not sure myself, what am i gonna do after this.

i really do loved her.
but i know, there's only little chance that i could be by her side.
there is to many obstacle between us, things that would only hurt her.

that song, "heaven knows" really do fits really well with how i feel right now.
i know i should have let her go, but i just couldn't stop dreaming.